There Are Some People it is Best Not to Meet

Everybody knows of Santa; but how many people know of the other guy? His name is Krampus, and reportedly he was first sighted in the region of Austria and Bavaria, where he has been terrorizing people in the Christmas season since ancient times – especially if they happen to have misbehaved during the year.

Once you see what he looks like, you will probably agree that it would clearly be best not to meet him – but how to go about it? Aren’t we all misbehaving now and then, at least a little bit? Who knows what threshold one must cross before attracting the guy’s attention? How can one atone to make sure he doesn’t show up?

Before we get to that point, let us look at a little Krampus-related evidence. Here is an old greeting cared that shows him kidnapping a misbehaved child:


Gruss_vom_KrampusToo late for crying! Should have thought of the consequences before you pinched Grandma’s cookies!

Image via Wikimedia Commons


Looking at this card you might think, how bad can he be? Looks kind of harmless, right? Might frighten the kids, but there are worse things, like hungry lions, or great white sharks. Think again:


1-fugly_krampus.0No, he’s not a nice guy at all.

Image credit: Universal Pictures


Will it help if he puts in an appearance by daylight? Not really:


2-krampus_by dayCrossing his path during the day doesn’t make things any better….

Image credit: Schladming-Rohrmoos Tourismus


Does he really kidnap people and carry them off to who knows where? (Actually, we have an idea where they might be going. You know, where the Cenobites live, i.e., “where your suffering will be legendary”). Well, as far as we are aware, he’s not doing that personally. He has helpers for that. Here is one of them:


3-Helper of krampusOne of Krampus’ helpers, tasked with disposing of the kidnapped and familiarizing them with their new surroundings.

Image credit: Kerstin Joensson / AP Photo


Here is another one, caught in flagrante delicto, so to speak, or while fulfilling his duties as his boss would say:


Off you go, sinner! There is no escape from his basket.

Image credit: Carsten Peter / National Geographic


But he can’t be everywhere at once, right? What are the chances that he will get hold of a particular person? They can’t be that high. Well, what makes you think that time and space mean anything to the dude? Or for that matter, that there is only one of him?


Krampus is Legion.

Image credit: Carsten Peter / National Geographic


6-more of themEven more of them!

Image credit: Reuters


No, you definitely don’t want to meet him… here is one of the things he reportedly said to his victims: “Which do you find more exhilarating, pain or pleasure? Personally, I prefer pain. What you think of as pain is a shadow. Pain has a face. Allow me to show it to you. I… am… pain.” If you beg to be spared, you might get to hear smug remarks like this one: “Ah, the eternal refrain of humanity. Pleading ignorance, begging for mercy.

Image credit: Universal Pictures


Luckily dear readers, there actually is a way to atone and keep the evil spirit at bay! It is described below:




Emigrate While You Can... Learn More




Dear Readers!

You may have noticed that our so-called “semiannual” funding drive, which started sometime in the summer if memory serves, has seamlessly segued into the winter. In fact, the year is almost over! We assure you this is not merely evidence of our chutzpa; rather, it is indicative of the fact that ad income still needs to be supplemented in order to support upkeep of the site. Naturally, the traditional benefits that can be spontaneously triggered by donations to this site remain operative regardless of the season - ranging from a boost to general well-being/happiness (inter alia featuring improved sleep & appetite), children including you in their songs, up to the likely allotment of privileges in the afterlife, etc., etc., but the Christmas season is probably an especially propitious time to cross our palms with silver. A special thank you to all readers who have already chipped in, your generosity is greatly appreciated. Regardless of that, we are honored by everybody's readership and hope we have managed to add a little value to your life.


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